All things come to an end.
And it's completely normal. That's life.
Today happens to be the last day of the decade. 2019 will be gone in less than 24 hours and we'll be ushered, God willing, into the New Year.
At times like these, it's really good to reflect upon all the things that have happened to you throughout the year. 'Count your blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.' Reflection is a great way to realise where exactly you stand in your life; to understand where you've gone wrong and the things that you need to change, continue and improve.
School life
This year for me has been full of ups and downs. I officially finished my first year of university and began my second year in September. And in all honesty, I was afraid that I'd have to resit some exams. You know when you try to put your faith in God that He won't allow you to fail but then the thing is, you know what you wrote in your exams isn't going to be good enough to let you pass ,let alone get a high grade? Yeah, I was at that point (I'm even at that point right now). But miraculously, I didn't have to resit any exams, which I'm so grateful for because the stress would have been too much.
In terms of academics this year, I really went through many periods where I questioned my intelligence and competency. People always said (and I also thought) that I was above-average when it came to academics. But this was greatly challenged as I went through my first year of uni. It didn't help that my course is greatly maths and physics related.
Can you believe that a maths genius like me is actually struggling with it in uni? University maths is literally on a whole different level, I'm telling you now.
Anyway, I was really comparing myself to others and doubting my abilities. I gave up on giving my best and just settled on average. I questioned a lot whether Engineering was even the right path for me. And I know it's normal to have some doubts sometimes but mine really didn't help my already tough situation.
I wasn't only comparing myself to others who I believed were just way smarter than me, I was comparing my current self to my high school self. The girl who got all the good grades and hardly ever got anything below a B. Now I was settling for a pass, and it really wasn't who I wanted to be.
Spiritual life
Moving on to my spiritual life. Now that's something I've always struggled with. As you've probably read from a previous blog post (click here to read if you haven't already), I grew up in the church and so I was brought up with Christian values and with the teachings of God's Word. So it would be expected that I'm on fire for God and reflecting Christ in every aspect of my life, right?
Well in reality, I struggle a lot in regards to my spiritual life. There are many addictions and temptations I've battled with for a long time and whenever I think I've broken free from them, I immediately find myself entangled again. And it brings about a lot of guilt, doubt on if I'll ever be free from them and low self-esteem. Breakout 2019, which was a Church Youth Conference I went to in August, really helped me set some goals for myself. But as usual, I couldn't really stick to them.
My personal Bible study game was much better in the later half of the year as compared to the first half, but my prayer life wasn't really picking up. Reflecting on all this now, I realise so many things that I need to change and how I need to overcome my addictions, procrastination and lack of zeal for the things of God. I know I honestly need to let God take the wheel and just obey whatever it is He asks me to do. Obedience is necessary when we let God take control. Whatever He says we should do, we need to go through with it right there and then. No excuses or procrastinating it.
Social life
Socially, I think I've improved my interaction skills this year. I honestly used to be terrified of having conversations with new people (I still get nervous and awkward from time to time), but this year, I was exposed to more opportunities where I could network with other people which really helped me learn how to not be my 'socially-awkward-and-extremely-introverted' self.
I still, however, have the issue of not wanting to go anywhere. As I said, introverted.
Honestly, my idea of leisure is playing my guitar or staying tucked up in bed binge-watching a Kdrama series. But I've realised that I literally know nothing about where I live or the city I go to school in. I've been asked so many times what sites there are to see in Glasgow/Edinburgh and most of the time, I'm clueless.
I really don't go out much, which is a habit I need to change.
Sure, it's okay to relax at home but I think in my case, it's just laziness and lack of a sense of adventure. I'm sure some of us feel that way too. And it doesn't help when going out involves spending money, when you're clearly broke.
However, next year, as much as I want to be academically intelligent, I really want to be more socially intelligent. Meaning, I want to know more about things going on around me; take an interest in different activities going on; learn more about the changes in society. For lack of knowledge, my people perish. God said it. (Hosea 4:6).
Relationships
Relationship-wise, well, my eyes were opened to some things regarding my friendships and family. Of course, with boys too.
In terms of my friendships, I got closer to some people this year that I didn't expect, some of them despite distance. Thank God for social media. Something I also noticed about myself this year is that, although it takes me a while to really open up, when I finally accept someone as a friend, man, I can get clingy! But not in a way that they'll realise. My 'clingyness' (excuse my use of gibberish), usually involves getting jealous when I see my friends getting closer to other friends.
Do you guys ever experience that?
I feel bad when the green monster of jealousy begins to come out, but then another part of me is like, 'I was here before you; I knew them first.'
Well, friendships can get like that sometimes. I also had problems letting go of some old friends. You know, not forgetting them, but just reducing contact with them. Not because I don't care about them, but because things change. There's a saying that goes,
'It's weird when you realise the person you once told everything to now has no idea of what's happening in your life.'
There are friends that I've known for years that I'm still close to but then there are others that I just don't talk to like I used to. And it upset me sometimes when I thought about it. But you realise that as you grow, so many things are happening. You're busier and more stressed out. My 'reply-message' game has been really weak this year. I used to reply within seconds but now I can't be bothered to check or reply to a message until sometimes 2 days later (please forgive me if you've been a victim of this).
But it is what it is. Of course, I won't cut of all contact with these friends that I'm talking about, but I've learnt that sometimes, you just need to accept the fact that things aren't the same.
With my family, it got to a point where I was like,
'I don't really know my siblings as well as I should.'
Things have happened and there were times when I told myself that I needed to know them more, before we all grow up and go our separate ways. I already live in a different city because of school, so I tend to miss out on a lot. But I can't let that affect my relationship with them. They're all still as annoying as ever (100% sure at least one of them is reading this), but I'm also grateful for our sibling bond.
With regards to relationship-relationships, your girl is still on the single train. Although a girl chat with one of my amazing chicas made me realise not to totally block out the idea of dating. Because then again, I'm planning to God willing get married within this decade (it's good to plan ahead guys). So I guess I'm just keeping my prospects open for now.
2019 Goals
With my goals and ambitions, I'm glad I was able to achieve some of them. I actually started this blog, which is something I never expected to do. If you haven't read any of the previous posts or you've missed out on any, go ahead and check them out.
It's been a very interesting journey so far. It was actually 3 months on Sunday, since I started. And I'm glad I'm still doing it. As my sisters always unfortunately remind me, I have a tendency to start things and not finish them. But I pray that hopefully, Euniqueblogs will be a lasting achievement.
Channeling my love for writing into a blog really helps me to reflect upon my life, because my posts are inspired by my struggles and challenges as a young Christian teen. I do get discouraged sometimes and there are days when I get writer's block or don't even feel motivated to post. But then God reminds me that if not for anyone, do it for that one person who needs advice right now. Share your story so that they can be encouraged, that's why you went through those challenges. And that's what keeps me going.
Another achievement I'm grateful to God for is my musical ministrations/performances. The latter part of this year, I've probably done around 5 public appearances. And I'm slowly learning more about stage confidence through them. I never imagined a year ago that I would have done all this!
Lastly, as I'm reflecting on all that's happened this year,I realise how much time I've wasted. All the hours I spent sleeping or watching my Kdramas when I could have been more productive. I honestly pray that next year will be different. I want to try to make every second count. I know I'm going to probably have so many New Year resolutions, but I want to make them realistic and put in the necessary measures to achieve them. That's the only way we can ever really meet our goals; through planning and of course, prayer.
So as you say goodbye to the 2010's, the decade where some of us transitioned from kids, to teens, to young adults, I hope you take the time to reflect on everything that's happened in your life so far. Anticipate for a year of glorious beginnings and victories. Don't forget in all things, to give thanks to God for He's really been good. Here's a song by Cwesi Oteng (Count Your Blessings), which actually brings back some very good memories when I hear it. Hope you enjoy it.
Have A Happy New Year and see you, God willing, in 2020 my lovelies!
Feel free to share your highlights of 2019 and some things that you learnt from your experiences in the comments section. You can also email me or PM me your thoughts.
Stay blessed and stay a blessing.
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