Black-ish or Mixed-ish?

For all the hardcore fans of the popular ABC sitcom, Black-ish, today's post is unfortunately not going to involve fangirling over the show. Although I do love Black-ish. All 10 episodes that I've probably watched that is.

In honour of Black History month, I would like to talk about my own experiences being a black teenager in a foreign land. Although Scotland is where I spent most of my life, so it isn't that foreign to me.

The story of my life is that I was raised in two different countries. Two different continents to be more precise. So you could say culture shock is nothing new to me.

My brief background story is that I was born in Ghana but moved to Scotland as a two year old, which is where I ended up spending all of my childhood. I then moved to Ghana to live out most of my teenage years. I am now back in Scotland and have been for the past 2 years. I know; I've circulated quite a bit.

Each move brought about a whirlwind of challenges and obstacles that I had to overcome. Speech. Behaviour. Things that I'd grown to consider as normal were somehow rare in my new environment. I remember my first few weeks of school in Ghana. During art class I asked someone if they had a rubber. They looked at me as if I was speaking a different language. It was only when I clarified that I wanted an eraser that they understood what I meant. So even the use of terms was totally different.

Moving back to Ghana, I felt like such a stranger to my own culture. I couldn't even speak my own language! Yes my parents are fully Ghanaian and you could say I grew up in a Ghanaian household, but the influence of the environment you're placed in, plays a huge role on your development. I basically had a Ghanaian shell, but my contents were totally Scottish. I found myself having to change my accent to be understood, and do the things they did in order to fit in. But no matter how hard I tried, I was always still a foreigner in my own land.

Now imagine having to go through all those changes, only to come back to your 'roots'. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself when I came back to Scotland. I was a semi-baked Ghanaian who had returned to her previous origin. My accent was and honestly still is a total mix between Ghanaian and Scottish. There are probably even hints of English and American in my words, if I'm being honest. I really don't know what my accent is.

It doesn't help when people hear me and ask me where I'm from; the age old question that 'Foreign-Africans' face. Do I say where I'm originally from or where I live? Every time I say I'm from Glasgow, people reply with, 'But you don't sound like you're from Glasgow!' I get the same response when I tell people that I'm from Ghana; my accent apparently doesn't sound Ghanaian either. Then I have to explain my whole backstory. But the truth is:

I'm a mix of cultures, people!

I find myself questioning my identity all the time. I've never related to Carol Ann Duffy's poem, Originally, more than now (where are all my Higher and Nat 5 English people at?) I'm Ghanaian but my Twi* is less than average. I'm Scottish but my knowledge and understanding of some terms and events are limited. I find myself switching between these two identities because integrating them isn't always easy.

I used to ask why God allowed my family to go back to Ghana. I then went on to ask why He allowed me to come back here. But now that I'm a bit wiser, I've come to realise that through this situation, I received multiple blessings. Although I have this problem of 'not knowing who exactly to be', I can say that I've gained a lot of good things through this 'double life'.

1. I've made a large list of life long friends in different parts of the world.

I remember telling my best friend that I wonder where I'd get married because either way, people would have to fly to a different continent just to see me. So here's some advice for all my friends everywhere: start saving because you don't know what destination I'll choose.

2. I've experienced life in two different countries with different cultures.

I've been able to compare the lifestyles of both Ghana and Scotland, and see the contrast between the two. For example, in Ghana it's basically a taboo to use your left hand to give something to someone. Although there's no problem with it in Scotland, in Ghana, the adults will probably look at you as if you've cursed their whole family.

3. I got to actually grow up in Ghana, my homeland, and live out most of my teenage years there.

I got to live in a boarding house. I went to annual church youth camps, which by the way were always AMAZING! I met so many of my family members, including cousins who I could bond with. Most importantly, I got to shape myself in a manner that made me into a godly, strong and semi-independent girl. I actually believe the improvement of my spiritual life wouldn't have been as majorly possible in Scotland as it was in Ghana. The reason for that can be discussed another day. But all I can say for now is that I'm happy about how I've turned out, and quite proud too.

So to all my people who are culturally mixed, genetically mixed or have just found themselves in a whole new environment, trust me when I say that there will be challenges. There will be times when you question how you should act or who you should be. But there are positives to this new experience, so try to enjoy them as much as possible. And you're not alone in the struggle of where to fit in. The thing is, we're different and different means, you're not supposed to be like others. So let your differences make you stand out from everyone else.

Most importantly, at the end of the day, whether you're black, white, mixed, African, Scottish, Spanish, etc, we're all children of the Most High God, who has determined your identity already. That topic is for another day.

What are your experiences with culture shock or having to live two lives? Please don't be shy to share in the comments or through email.

Happy Black History Month!

Stay blessed and stay a blessing.

*= The official Ghanaian language although there are hundreds of other languages spoken in Ghana.