Someone asked me a few days ago why I always seem so happy, and jokingly asked if Jesus was living in my house or something.
Of course I responded with the fact that Jesus lived in my heart.
But that doesn't mean that I'm happy every second of every day. In actual fact, I've had so many days where I couldn't be bothered to pray, or do work or even just be happy. I've had times when I just fell into a slump and stayed there. I've had nights when I cried myself to sleep because I let negative thoughts about myself tear me down.
But you wouldn't know, because you've probably never seen that side of me. Most of the time, what people see when they look at us is a happy, positive person. They don't really realise the truth behind our smile. Whether the smile is genuine, temporary or just for show.
I stumbled upon a saying yesterday which went like this:
The Japanese say you have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.
Honestly, I feel like that couldn't be any truer for me. I have a side of me that everyone else sees. Then there's the side that only my really close friends and family know. I mean, a lot of my close friends' perception of me changed once they got to know that I was more than this reserved, quiet girl. And I definitely know my parents and siblings are aware of how loud, argumentative, silly and sarcastic I can be.
But then there's the face that I'd rather not show anyone. The face only me, myself, I and God are familiar with. The face that hides a lot of insecurities, worries, doubts and I guess dark things about myself that no-one really knows. It's hard sometimes to put on an act for everyone else. Then once you're by yourself, the reality of who you really are deep down dawns on you. And you can't really cry out to anyone but God.
Most often, for me, it's easier to go to God with my problems. But not because God can fix them. Yes, He can and absolutely will once you surrender everything to Him. But most of the time, I go to God because I'm too afraid to go to anyone else. Because once you show that third face - the face that you keep hidden- to someone else, they might just see that you're not exactly who you pretend to be. And it's a scary thought.
Yes, we shouldn't let other people's ideas and perceptions define us, but it's not always easy to fight those thoughts. And that doesn't make us weak or bad Christians. We're human and it just happens. There will be times when, even though we try to place God's affirmations of who we are higher than the rest, we end up falling prey to the negative thoughts of our own minds and that of others.
But when that happens, we shouldn't forget that we are not alone. Even though we walk through the shadow of death- in this case dark thoughts, doubts and fears- we should remember that God's staff comforts and guides us through it (Psalm 23). Sometimes we need to walk through these dark paths to get to the light at the end.
I know this post is rather deep, but I think it's something we can all relate to. Even though we are children of God and we try so hard to constantly stay positive, we do have these times when we feel depressed and low. There are sides of us and things about us that no-one else knows, and there are things that we struggle with.
But just because we struggle doesn't mean we're alone. Even if we have to cry things out, know that God is crying with us. He feels our hurt and pain in a way that others might sympathise with but can't really understand.
As a Kdrama I once watched said, "It's okay not to be okay." What's life without a few bumps and hurdles along the way? God is our strength through it all, just remember that.
And don't allow yourself to stay down forever. As long as you have life, live it to the fullest. Every day might not be a happy day, but it should be lived to the best that we can.
Have you had low days or periods when you let anxiety and fear get the best of you? What did you do/are you doing to overcome them? Feel free to share your opinions below or email/message me on social media. Have a great weekend lovelies!
Stay blessed and stay a blessing.
